This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
