tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
