Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
