Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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