You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
