I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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