The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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