Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
