shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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