Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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