a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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