i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
