Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
