my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
