Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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