I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
