I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
