I wanna bring you to show and tell
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
