had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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