i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
