Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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