the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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