I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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