was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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