he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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