when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
