I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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