he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it hurts more in the daytime
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
