Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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