You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
