How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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