i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
