it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
