I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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