I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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