wakey wakey hands off snakey
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
