genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
