Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
