while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
