He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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