Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i now understand why vodka
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
