she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
