my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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