I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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