you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
