So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
