I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
