I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How's work?
Spinning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
