my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
