I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
