Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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