Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
