Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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