good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
