Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize