Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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