Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
