You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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