Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
