Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
