she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
