I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
