My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
