i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you never un-have a 4some
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
