you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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