I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
