Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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