I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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