thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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