All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
