I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
