Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
