What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize