Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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