So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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