Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
