your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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