my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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