dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
