Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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