She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
