My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
