i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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